Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Lobster Rage Fist

EDIT: 11/18/09 Welcome KISW People! Yes, I did invent the lobster rage fist, and yes, that is me in the picture. If you've got an instructional diagram suggestion leave it in the comments. Below you will find the original article in it's entirety.



A picture of a crayfish gently nestled against a hungry womans lady bits.
I found this little gem on the interwebs the other night, and it brought about some deep reflection.
At first I was stunned by the sheer absurdity of the situation, then I got to thinking. "Would I ever put myself in such a compromising situation with a crustation?" Sure, I might wear it as a juanty hat, or tape a one to my fist, and chase people in a drunken rage screaming "FEEL THE FURY OF MY LOBSTER FIST", but never, ever, would I consider something with claws and a tenacious will to live, to be a suitable cod-piece. I strongly believe it's a good idea to keep things with claws away from my genitalia. In fact, I would go so far as to say it is a new personal policy.
That being said, it's time for me to get on with taping lobsters to my fists.
A picture of a sassy drunk, with Lobsters duct-taped to his angry fists.
  1. Beer seemed the best choice for any seafood based shenanigans. It's hard to work up a frothing fury with red wine, and if I had gone with tequila I'm afraid I would have ended up with a pinata taped to a lead pipe. Whiskey is considered an acceptable substitute, but is not recomended.
  2. Open palm, or closed fist? You decide.
  3. I would have to recomend the Maine Lobster, as they have the largest claws of any readily available store bought lobster. This makes them the "most pinchy-est" and therefore the only suitable choice.
  4. Initially I planned to use glue rather than tape, but after consulting ThisToThat.com (Advice on just how to glue this to that) I decided the odds were slim I would find a good lobster glue that wasn't going to leave me permanantly scarred, and my lobster meat spoiled. Duct tape seems to be the next best bet.
  5. Enjoy!


Posted by Mr. Jerkface at 6:25 PM
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15 comments:

  1. I must say, this is quite possibly the MOST epic picture ever drawn. And it is in the form of an airline safety booklet! Is there a Spanish version!? KUDOS!
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  2. Hey have been doing lots of random stuff and haven't had the time to write up a basic sitemap. But I do have this link ---> http://www.xml-sitemaps.com/

    Which I used to use. It's pretty basic. But it should get the job done til I can get you something up!
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  3. You sir are a gentleman and a scholar.
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  4. I LOL a lot each time I see this.
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  5. You, sir, are a genius. You deserve an award of some sort for this... I have no idea what award, perhaps the Dankmar Adler Prize for the Advancement of Nautical Fauna-Based Melee Combat?
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  6. In this woman's defense, it appears that the lobster on her crotch has already been cooked, thereby mitigating the risk of involuntary female circumcision
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  7. this may be my next halloween costume...
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  8. The Lobster Rage Fist made me laugh. Not just a 'haha, that's amusing' laugh. The kind of laugh where Dr. Pepper simultaneously shoots out your nose at your laptop screen AND trickles down into your trachea, causing a spasm of coughing, laughing and wondering if: A) Your laptop is fucked, and B) If this is the last image I will see before I drown.

    I approve of this picture very much.

    P.S. The laptop is fine.
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  10. I want a lobster rage fist shirt.
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  11. I won't blame you when I do this.
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  12. My brother challenged me to a fight the other day. Out of sheer irritation, I came to the fight sporting a pair of real lobster rage fists (parents run a restaurant w/ one of those live lobster tanks). Needless to say, the fight never started but I did get some nasty pinches and cuts from the rage fists.
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  13. What about when you go to the John..? Won't crustaceans then be in genital area..Thereby defeating your own personal policy?
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  14. As always, I'm late to the party and stumbled across this blog because some of my co-writers felt the need to point out that I'm clearly not as clever as I thought I was when I came up with my online name. Fuck them - they can drink a bowl of herpes.

    Anyway, this post made me laugh so hard I almost soiled myself. This is pure brilliance and I'm very tempted to do this. Since I don't drink beer, I think I'll have to go with whiskey, which generally whips me up into a seething rage all the way to Darktown, anyway.
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  15. Oven mitts could protect your hands, when you cut the elastic bands off the lobsters. justsaiyan.
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