Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Snack beard, and the mustache vending machine.

A photograph of a mustache vending machine

  I went in search of Long John Silvers Lobster bites, and something magical happened.  The first LJS we went to was conjoined with a KFC.  Typically when you fuse seafood and chicken, their powers combined are vastly superior to any one singular restaurant, but not in this case.  The seafood part was shut down, because; "the machine that keeps the fish hot don't work."  Usually this would send me into a seething and frothing salt & vinegar rage, but not today.  There tucked away innocuously in that antiquated, grease encrusted lobby, I discovered, A MUSTACHE VENDING MACHINE.
Another photograph of a facial hair vending machine

      That's right, for only fifty cents a go, I could "Look Cool" with a state of the art Burt Reynold-esqe facial toupee.  I was just two paltry coins away from noncommittal facial hair.  I could now posses the respect and glamor afforded only to those brave few men committed enough to groom and maintain their facial topiaries.

I tried growing my own once.  Oh yes, I tried, tried and failed.  Quite simply, I got tired of getting weird shit stuck in my mustache.  The term "soup strainer" is well deserved, that's why I settled on "the Wolverine".  It minimizes "snack beard" while maximizing facial coverage.  Nonetheless, I often find myself with unexpected treats hiding in my beard.  

A lovely illustration of a gentleman with delicious snacks stuck in his beard including Lego blocks, baby corn, a pope action figure, twigs and berries, and cocktail shrimp
EDIT 4/10/09: 
I found the mustaches come in a variety of color and styles.  It has also just occurred to me that with a ready supply of mustaches, I have the ability to instantly transform household items from "drab" to "dapper".
The mustache menagerie

Bam! Dapper salt shaker!
A common shaker of salt, made instantly dapper by simply adding a beautiful mustache
Bam! Dapper teapot!
A common teapot, made instantly dapper by simply adding a beautiful mustache


  1. LOL Wow! That's one amazing vending machine!!!

  2. That's amazing.Mustaches vending

  3. That's really amazing and interesting vending machine i ever seen my life, so thanks for sharing this.

  4. It is such a wonderful machine. I have never seen a machine like this.Thank you so much for sharing such kind of vending machine.South Florida Soda Vending Machines