Manatee BBQ

A long while ago, I found a great article about eating manatee. Ever since, the idea has been ruminating, and now I too lust for succulent manatee.

Perhaps the real reason certain species are endangered, is not because they are inept in the arena of survival, but because they are simply too delicious? Are bald eagles the "creme de la creme" of edible aviaries? Could free-range bamboo-fed panda meat put the finest foi gras to shame? Dare I say it, could a honey smoked ocelot outshine the simple majesty that is commonly known as bacon? Someday, I will know. Someday

Coincidentally, last week I discovered you can buy mutilated manatee fine art prints online. Thank you, internets!

Snack beard, and the mustache vending machine.

  I went in search of Long John Silvers Lobster bites, and something magical happened.  The first LJS we went to was conjoined with a KFC.  Typically when you fuse seafood and chicken, their powers combined are vastly superior to any one singular restaurant, but not in this case.  The seafood part was shut down, because; "the machine that keeps the fish hot don't work."  Usually this would send me into a seething and frothing salt & vinegar rage, but not today.  There tucked away innocuously in that antiquated, grease encrusted lobby, I discovered, A MUSTACHE VENDING MACHINE.

      That's right, for only fifty cents a go, I could "Look Cool" with a state of the art Burt Reynold-esqe facial toupee.  I was just two paltry coins away from noncommittal facial hair.  I could now posses the respect and glamor afforded only to those brave few men committed enough to groom and maintain their facial topiaries.

I tried growing my own once.  Oh yes, I tried, tried and failed.  Quite simply, I got tired of getting weird shit stuck in my mustache.  The term "soup strainer" is well deserved, that's why I settled on "the Wolverine".  It minimizes "snack beard" while maximizing facial coverage.  Nonetheless, I often find myself with unexpected treats hiding in my beard.  

EDIT 4/10/09: 

I found the mustaches come in a variety of color and styles.  It has also just occurred to me that with a ready supply of mustaches, I have the ability to instantly transform household items from "drab" to "dapper".

The mustache menagerie

Bam! Dapper salt shaker!

Bam! Dapper teapot!